Hmmm... I'm eating dinner (citrus lime pork chops and asparagus - YUM!), at 9:15pm on a Tuesday night. I'm telling you, it's an exciting life I lead. :) Tonight was, in Logan's words, AWESOME! He was so much fun. I'm not implying that he's not fun all the time, but tonight was different... or maybe I was different. I love his zest for life, his quirky little behaviors, and it always amazes me how smart he is and how fast he catches on to things. Exhibit A - I taught him to say "I'm awesome!" tonight and within 1 hour he was using it in the correct way and with the proper exclamation in his tone. Exhibit B - I held up a piece of asparagus for him to take a bite and he said "spargus, yum"! You might be saying to yourself, "geez, that's nothing", but to me, it's everything. It reminds me that I'm not failing, that I am teaching him, that he listens and learns. It is so easy to get discouraged... to fear - "How is the divorce going to affect him?"; "How can I lessen the pain, confusion, and sense of loss that he's sure to feel at some point in his life?" Even though I've heard over and over, "it's better that you separated when he was so young, that way he won't know the difference." But he will know the difference and although I'm sure those words are uttered with good intentions, just as "I'm sorry for your loss, I know how you feel" are thrown out at a funeral, they do nothing to ease the burgeoning fear of what is to come and how I can best explain our situation without it affecting him in a negative way. But it's moments like the ones that took place tonight... when we're wrestling on the couch, when he yells "I yuuuuuvvvv youuuuuu!", when he repeats a new word, when I can almost see his mind working as he absorbs every part of his surroundings, when he giggles at the simplest things, when he plays my monkey and latches on to my torso so tight that I never want him to let go... yes, it's moments like these that remind me how special, how strong, how smart, how loving and sweet this little 22 month old boy is and how blessed I am to be his mother.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
#1
First of all, welcome to my new blog. Hopefully some of my day-to-day experiences and random thoughts will, in some way, mean something to someone. If not, here's to the use of blogging as a back-up therapist -- Cheers! I've decided to title each post as its chronological number rather than try to sum up my hodge-podge of thoughts into a 2-4 word title in hopes that it will entice you to read on... so here's #1...
I've been pondering the thought of writing a book about the last 2+ years of my life, not to be published, but because writing is how I communicate best, even with myself. It helps to put my thoughts on paper, helps me gain a greater understanding of why I think and feel the way I do. Knowing this about me, my therapist has suggested time and time again that I start a journal, "even if it's one online" she said. Similar to every other task she has lovingly suggested, I regret to say that I've put it off. So why am I here now? Good question. We had a wonderful service in church today, with talks about having hope and a Sunday School lesson on praying and having faith. On our way home Logan fell asleep and I was alone with my thoughts for a few minutes (nice little gift of time). I received a gut-wretching feeling (yes, I just said gut-wretching) that it would be in my best interest to write down my experiences, thoughts, feelings, highs and lows...full exposure! I had to stop using the excuse that my life is boring, that no one would ever read it and I'd feel lame for even writing it in the first place. But I realized that I'm not doing this for anyone else but Logan and me. In reality how many people will my simple blog impact?? Maybe 2 or 3 at best. But I believe it will help me become a stronger, more self-assured and independent woman and most importantly, a clear-minded, patient, spiritually active mother.
And so, here I am! Flaws and strengths, happy times and sad, crazy busy and bored and lonely, you'll read about all of it. I often look at my very talented and creative older sisters and wonder how that gene skipped me, but who knows... writing might be creative outlet... we'll see. I hope, for your sakes, that it remains interesting. :)
I've been pondering the thought of writing a book about the last 2+ years of my life, not to be published, but because writing is how I communicate best, even with myself. It helps to put my thoughts on paper, helps me gain a greater understanding of why I think and feel the way I do. Knowing this about me, my therapist has suggested time and time again that I start a journal, "even if it's one online" she said. Similar to every other task she has lovingly suggested, I regret to say that I've put it off. So why am I here now? Good question. We had a wonderful service in church today, with talks about having hope and a Sunday School lesson on praying and having faith. On our way home Logan fell asleep and I was alone with my thoughts for a few minutes (nice little gift of time). I received a gut-wretching feeling (yes, I just said gut-wretching) that it would be in my best interest to write down my experiences, thoughts, feelings, highs and lows...full exposure! I had to stop using the excuse that my life is boring, that no one would ever read it and I'd feel lame for even writing it in the first place. But I realized that I'm not doing this for anyone else but Logan and me. In reality how many people will my simple blog impact?? Maybe 2 or 3 at best. But I believe it will help me become a stronger, more self-assured and independent woman and most importantly, a clear-minded, patient, spiritually active mother.
And so, here I am! Flaws and strengths, happy times and sad, crazy busy and bored and lonely, you'll read about all of it. I often look at my very talented and creative older sisters and wonder how that gene skipped me, but who knows... writing might be creative outlet... we'll see. I hope, for your sakes, that it remains interesting. :)
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